Best Political Satire

The big story this week is the supposed incident of Mitt Romney and his buddies forcibly holding down, and cutting the blonde locks of a classmate. Jesse Jackson said he didn’t have a role to play, since the victim’s hair  wasn’t black.

Today, Romney’s buddies would be known as his crew, as in J.Crew.

Of course, the Democrats viciously went after Romney for the alleged act of violence. President Obama couldn’t be reached for comment since he was still celebrating the assassination of  Bin Laden. Later, the President did speak and said the difference is that he was trying to shorten the war, while Romney was just trying to shorten someone’s bangs.

Most of  the gay community was incensed that the supposedly gay youth had his hair cut in such a manner. The spokesman for the S and M’ers said they weren’t so sure, but that Romney would be welcome at their next convention.

President Obama came out today in favor of gay marriage. Critics immediately pounced and called it an obviously political move. Obama , who was kissing small dogs while humming Barry Manilow tunes at a gay and lesbian fundraiser, responded that he was above all that.

The polls taken immediately after the announcement show Obama ahead in 24 Blue states, 3 Red states, and 2 Pink states.

Actually, the polling data showed that being in favor of gay marriage was a boon for the President. Apparently, the new thinking is that instead of dumping Joe Biden , Obama should marry him. He also commented that Mitt Romney looked fabulous.

Today it was leaked that Newt Gingrich, who is running third in the Republican race, is considering Rick Perry as his Vice Presidential nominee if elected. I’d have loved to have been in that strategy session.

” Newt, you’re a white guy who can’t even do well in the Republican primary. So, let’s propose that you’ll run with another white guy, who was even less successful.” You can’t really call it Dumb and Dumber, in deference to Gingrich’s intellect. So, let’s go with Fat and Dumber.

And, Perry thought this was a coup. Apparently, he thinks the Vice President’s role is to be seen and not heard, which is perfect if you witnessed his debate performances.

And, the president is sitting very pretty these days watching the fiasco of the Republican primary, Actually, the only thing bothering Obama these days is the high cost of gasoline. The optics aren’t good. It’s making it quite expensive to drive his golf cart for 18 holes.

And, Obama is not in favor of the proposed pipeline from Canada that would bring gas to the United States. He says that the US already has a pipeline with a neighbor that hasn’t worked out so well, the one that brings in people from Mexico.

Hot on the heels of the debt crisis, President Obama went to Chicago and had a birthday party –well, it was sort of a birthday party –if you call having to pay 38,000 dollars to attend  a party. The Chicago Tribune  described it the next day as  a new debt crisis.

Actually Obama is raising 1 billion dollars for his re-election.  That sounds like a lot of money. Of course, if he weren’t go the run, he might be able to raise 10 billion.

Not that the Republicans are doing any better .  The frontrunner Mitt Romney had nothing to say at all on the debt crisis. Its as if it didn’t exist –sort of like bigamy in Utah.

 If Obama is being accused of leading from behind, then Romney has to be accused of leading from a sound- proofed room, in a coma.

Meanwhile the tea party activists are upset because the cuts weren’t deep enough.  They wanted the whole enchilada but only got a empty tortilla, and a tortilla that is now illegal in Alabama.

And the country. Well, they thought they had bought a little peace until the next election, but instead now realize that nothing is ever settled – sort of like Michael Jackson’s estate.

The far right continue to criticize President Obama for his affinity for Arabic culture and for his tendency to dance around important issues. This week, they have new ammunition as not only did Obama dance around the issue of supporting the Libyan rebels, but he actually belly-danced around the issues.

Libyan TV of course is running non-stop programming describing in detail a megalomaniacal, delusional man who is threatening violence. The funny thing is that Charlie Sheen has never been to Libya.

Meanwhile, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is trying to put together a plan to allow Colonel Khaddafi to leave Libya and have a peaceful revolution. She is working with CBS  and is proposing safe residence in the US, and a starring role in a new Sitcom called Two and a Half Dictators. Reading for the other starring roles are Ex-Egyptian president Mubarak and Wisconsin Governor Walker.

Speaking of Charlie Sheen , and who isn’t these days, Sarah Palin was supposedly asked if she thought Sheen was bipolar. Apparently, she responded that she wasn’t aware that Charlie had visited both the north and the south poles.

President Obama has had some very trying times in the past few weeks dealing with the turmoil in the Middle East and has had to walk a very fine line. Of course, Charlie Sheen would have snorted that same line.

Ex Egyptian President Mubarak is apparently  ticked off at Google because it was their employee who spearheaded the revolt. Mubarak is so pissed, he’s now searching for money laundering strategies on the net using Microsoft Bing.

And the birthers are spreading rumors as well. According to these crackpots, Obama is concerned that the unrest may spread to Indonesia and  the government may institute a draft of all living Indonesian males. Obama is hoping that being president of the United States can get him an exemption.  

Meanwhile, Wisconsin is starting to resemble Cairo with protesters in the streets. Obama has taken a very principled stand on the issues in Wisconsin as compared to ex president Bush who saw the people in the street and thought it was the Green Bay Packer parade.

The main topic of discussion in Washington these days is about the tone of debate in American politics. Everybody seems to agree, but a little strain is starting to show. For example, a top Democratic operative was quoted as saying that it was a unique American privilege to debate policy with her honorable Republican opponent, the bitch from Alaska.

Now, there is talk about having the republicans and democrats sit together at the State Of The Union address. Luckily, President Obama is giving the speech, otherwise he’d have to be seated to the left for the beginning of the speech, and then, at the mid-point, he’d have to shift to the center.

And, planners of the seating chart are busying researching the effect that human tears have on botox injected skin, just in case John Boehner sits next to Nancy Pelosi.

Man,  the US government managed to get rid of those Russian spies quickly. Caught em, tried em, and kicked em out of the country in less than a week.  The Governor of Arizona was so impressed she gave the president  highly classified information  showing that all  illegal immigrants are actually Mexican spies.

And, of course, criminals were watching the proceedings very carefully.   I’ll tell you the lesson I would draw from this whole affair. If I murder someone and the cops get me, just start snapping photos and speaking Russian.  Badabing, badaboom, free trip to Moscow.

Of course, now every Russian person is under suspicion. And, how fair is that to the women who’ve come to America and married men they’ve never met except on internet dating sites. I mean those women are of the highest moral fiber, at least  until they get their citizenship.

And, the Russian mafia is telling all it’s members not to buy cameras as it seems that it’s a lot safer to extort, steal and kill than to snap photos.

I hope the US doesn’t become so bad that our unmarried women have to go on foreign sites to try and hook up with foreign guys. You don’t want to have conversations like –

” Hey Sheila, still single and unemployed with no prospects? Why don’t you go on Khazakstansingles.com and find yourself a good tribesman.”

One of the biggest questions that remains is why would a supposedly intelligent 4 star general allow a reporter to accompany him when he and his staff were drinking.

That’s a recipe for disaster — like giving Bill Clinton a box of viagra before he meets with female interns. Or buying Al Gore a free massage.

And, what’s up with Gore? Apparently, he’s such a political nerd that his excuse for telling the masseuse he was hot all over is that he was just explaining the meaning of global warming.

Vice -President Biden took it all in stride. He was heard laughing to aides — “the poor schmuck shoots off his mouth and his career is over. I shoot off my mouth and I become Vice-President.”

McChrystal will probably now write a book about he screwed up his army career — actually, four stars haven’t disappeared that fast since the demise of the Backstreet Boys.

By now, everybody knows that General McChrystal was fired by President Obama.

The general didn’t have much respect for vice-president Biden or his idea of using drones as a key component of the war plan. Apparently, the General was initially open to the idea but after hearing Biden drone on and on, he lost interest.

And, he didn’t like the idea of early withdrawal, which he views as  a really bad form of birth control.

Of course, this whole issue boils down the chain of command which traditionally the White House takes very seriously, although in the Clinton years, it involved handcuffs and female army officers.

Apparently, Obama told the General when they met that he should have known Army policy — when they ask, you don’t tell.

And, finally the President was heard to lament that he inherited the Afghanistan war from Bush and why couldn’t he start fresh by attacking North Korea.